Monday, May 15, 2006

Survival Of The Fittest

I don't know. I really don't know. What to do, what to think, what to expect. I'm halfway up the slope. At least I feel I'm going up, but I could be wrong, I don't care. When I left for this journey I knew I had to take it, alone, I knew there would be no return. My greatest expectations were nowhere near the wonderful things I have experienced along the way. But I knew this day would come. I knew one day, despite all the good, I would feel this je ne sais quoi torturing me, feeling cold and weak, looking for shelter. This is a lonely journey, I can't see what lays ahead, not even to the sides. I can't go back, I don't want to. I've passed several checkpoints, I've had helping hands along the way but, sooner or later, I always end up all alone in the dark. I knew it would be like this, I know I must go on no matter the rain, the snow, the freezing cold. No matter the darkness. I was never one of the fittest, I was never a survivor. I always needed shelter during hardship to replenish my strength. Now I don't have one, home is no longer behind, that's the price of adulthood. Home lies ahead, wherever it is, whatever its shape might be. That's why I began this post by writing "I don't know". Because I really don't, all is uncertainty right now, even the path to follow. All I know is I must survive, the world outside and my own fears. It may be against the odds, but I will.

Monday, May 08, 2006

Ralph Matucci - Intimacy part IV

Obrigado por sorrires...
Claustrophobic - Abdul Kadir Audah

Não sei porque te ouço, não estás aqui. Mas a verdade é que a tua voz me circunda, o teu riso límpido ecoa nestas quatro paredes só minhas onde ninguém ousa entrar. Nem tu. Apenas a tua voz, longe, lá longe num tempo que não é o meu, num lugar que nunca vi. E a saudade faz sentido, e a saudade circula-me no sangue por todo o corpo e é uma dor d'alma tão física, tão perto.